I started updating the shop today there will be more later this evening. As I pull things out and go thru my closets I realize Iam creating a disaster and no human being should have this much crap. My house isnt a home its a thrift store thats not open.Its ridiculous.I was very close to my grandmas( i was 30 years old and would still sit on the floor with my head in my grandmas lap,regularly) and they died or was killed within a few months of eachother and I developed a bad habit of buying everything that reminded me of them or I had seen in their homes or in other peoples homes when I was with them.I did this for almost 5 years. Obsessively. It didnt bring my grandmas back or bring any closure or make me feel any better about the way things happened. Its been a very heavy weight to carry and then I added on material things that have turned my emotional stuff into a material,visual, weight that I carry.So buy all my crap and give them good homes!!I really want to move into my new home with Paul with a clean slate.I absolutely cannot wait to get all moved and to use a cheesy phrase "just exhale" Ok I didnt mean for this post to get that deep,I dont have time to be emo Im getting outta here before Im blubbering all over the place.buy! lol
I THINK ITS A SIGN
right after i posted this the phone rang and it was my cousin who i had always been close to growing up and we kinda lost touch like the rest of the family when our grandma was killed.i hadnt talked to him for over a year and a couple years before that.My cousin had my grandmas farm after she died and ended up losing it to a messy messy divorce,which was really hard for all of us to see the family farm go to someone who wasnt really family and didnt care about it or have the memories like we did.We talked about how we dont have family dinners all the time anymore and how holidays have become meaningless because we havent all stuck together. It was,afterall, my grandmothers on both my mom and dads side who held th family together because after they were gone,it was all gone.So after a bittersweet conversation we came to the conclusion that you cant bring someone back by hanging onto things and we made a pact to bring our families or at least ourselves back together and to talk more than once a year.He and his wife are coming out to california after I get settled and I plan to cook him the biggest christmas thanksgiving easter dinner ever made.new potatoes and green beans,sweet corn,gooseberrie pie............i can feel myself getting fatter already. :) i love you heath!
